As I stated in my previous post, I do not condone lying, I just think sometimes its better to keep your mouth shut. So, story number 2. I must note I have changed the names of the subjects of this story to protect the innocent and/or guilty. You decide.
So my *cousin, Hank was dating this girl, Ester. (Where did I come up with these names? I should have used my fav – Bettina Batista.) So they lived in a city and only lived a few blocks from each other which was great, because we all know how hard it is when you are dating someone and they might live on the other side of the city, which might be only 5 miles, but can take and hour to get to. I digress. Things were going well and Hank and Ester saw each other often. As Hank would have it, a little too often. He just needed a break so he could lounge around, be a slob, hang out with his guy friends and not see Ester. Now in my opinion, if you need a break from someone you aren’t even living with, you may want to re-think the entire relationship, but that’s just me.
So Hank decided to tell Ester that he had to go on a business trip for a week. Ester was a little sad since she would be sans-boyfriend for a week, but she was ok with it. They talked every day and Hank told her about the work he was doing and they texted, etc. Except here’s the thing: Hank didn’t go out of town. He just hung out 3 blocks away at his apartment for a week.
His “return” home came after a week and Ester called Hank to say she had missed him so much that she wanted to pick him up at the airport. Hank said that wasn’t necessary, he would just grab a cab, but Ester insisted. OK. Stop. Here’s where the commitment to the lie comes into play. Instead of coming clean and saying, “I haven’t been out of town, I just didn’t want to see you for a week,” which surely would have ended the relationship. He packed a suitcase with his dirty laundry, hopped in a cab and went to airport. Imagine the cabbie’s confusion when Hank told him to drop him and his luggage off at arrivals. A $30 cab ride later, Hank called Ester to come pick him up. I don’t think Ester ever found out about this. But my question is what would you do? Take it from either side. If you were Hank, would you come clean? If you were Ester, and Hank did come clean, would you forgive and forget or kick his a**?
*Not really my cousin.
8 comments:
First off, I want to echo the author in saying that I do not condone wholesale lying. That said, I think there are circumstances where lying could actually be the better alternative to telling the truth.
While I found the 'live the lie' moment discussed in this blog to be frivolous at best, I absolutely think that if you are going to make a choice, whether it be a morally acceptable choice or not, you need to live and own that choice. So 'live the lie' and live it well. It is one thing to lie to others, but when you don't own up to the choices that you make and embrace them, then you start lying to yourself. And lying to yourself has far more detrimental consequences than lying to someone else; be it a stranger or someone that is close to you.
I also wouldn't condone lying, but sometimes it can be done to spare someone's feelings, as it may have been done in this case (a little chicken instead of meeting the issue head-on, but nevertheless). Once he had committed to it, it was probably just as well to stick with it. Coming clean at that point would only serve to make Ester feel worse because now not only does this guy want a break, but he went to such lengths to take one. If I were Ester and he came clean, I'd probably be hurt, but would also know that maybe I need to look elsewhere for a realtionship.
If this guy felt the need to lie in order to get away, then he shouldn't even be involved in his current relationship. That's the problem with people today, no one wants to make the hard decisions, they rather sit around and wallow and stew in their own sad circle of life and cry about life's inequities.
Thanks for all the comments! I understand Hank needing to get away, but that was not the right way to do it. Being honest from the start would be the way to go. Although I've got to give it to him for living the lie. That's commitment in self-preservation form.
As a female, I would kick his ass for lying. One lie to cover up another always leads to another lie until you can't get out of it. Would I forgive? After a while yeah sure. Better to tell truth then have to live one lie after another in my opinion.
Interesting questions! I agree, he shouldn’t have even gone there in the first place – he should have been up front/direct about cooling things down. Who knows, maybe she felt the same way! But, assuming she didn’t, she might have been hurt by the truth, but not nearly as much as she would have been if she'd found out about his elaborate lie. Lying doesn’t usually bring anything good to a situation. If I was her and found out, I would have dumped him, and any respect I’d had for him would have been out the window. How could she trust him after that? Like he found out, one lie often leads to another, and then another. It’s a slippery slope!
A few thoughts
1) The relationship should be over. If you need time off, I'm with you, this shouldn't exist.
2) This lie should never have happened. If you can't be a man about your needs, you probably don't deserve a good woman anyway.
3) Once the die was cast, I think you have to follow through. I think once the lie happened, you need to carry through for the sake of the partner. Owning up at that point would actually provide little benefit other than to make this person feel betrayed. I think you need to live the lie.
4) If I were the person this happened to, I wouldn't forgive either way. If someone needs time off from me, they don't need me. If they (for example) felt I was smothering them, then they should address me like an adult.
Lying is not good and once u start u cant stop so things would prb just get worst. It is unhealthy for both parties to be in that kind of relationship.If you have to lie to "get away" then u shouldnt be involved in a relationship. I think that i rather hear the truth from the person that i am with than find out from another source. Be an adult about it.Always tell the truth!
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