Ahh the sunshine state...

Oh, Denver! Gorgeous!  (Name the Movie! - Fine, it's Old School.)  Well, I am off to the land of milk and honey.  Where is that exactly anyway?  No, really I'm off to Amsterdam to meet my husband who's been working a project in Europe the past 2 weeks.  Yes, I've been on my own.  The up-side, I have been receiving a lot of pity invites to do things, (Thanks friends!) don't have to worry about meal planning because I am perfectly happy with eating dry cereal for dinner, and I get the WHOLE bed to myself!  The down side, other than missing my loves, I have started talking to myself, a lot.  I feel like the guy in the movie Sliding Doors that talks to himself in the mirror, because a few times, I have. 

Back to the vacay, I've never been to Amsterdam, but with the way the weather has been here lately, I am looking forward to some cooler temperatures.

We're literally staying right here!! 

Here's my question, or statement that I want to make sure is correct. Amsterdam is in Holland. Holland is or is in the Netherlands. People in the Netherlands speak Dutch. Yes? No?  Perhaps I should do a little research on the plane before I land and sound like an idiot.  

We're also going to Bruges for the day!  Wiki Definition: the capital and largest city of the province of West Flanders in the Flemish Region of Belgium.
Along with a few other canal-based northern cities, such as Amsterdam, it is sometimes referred to as "The Venice of the North". Bruges has a significant economic importance thanks to its port. At one time, it was the "chief commercial city" of the world.

Flemish is a funny word. They are also known for their chocolate factories! Yum.

I might just stay here forever! 

 I hope to bring back wonderful pictures!  My question to you my 3.5 readers:  If you could go on a vacation right now, where would you go?

Just Faux Fun Friday

Time for another Just Faux Fun Friday.  I'd like to discuss apparel today.  I was at the Home Depot getting some paint and this was the lady in charge of mixing the paint.

Can we please get this lady a little help?  Stacey and Clinton are needed at this Home Depot ASAP.  

My Mom got me these PJ pants a few years ago, and the more I washed them the shorter they got.  She didn't believe me when I told her they were shrinking so I took a picture for her. 

It's a good look.  Then one day they disappeared.  I think my husband got tired of seeing me look ridiculous walking around the house in these.

Mom's New Friend

So my Mom made a new friend this week, and this is her story.

She was at the grocery store checking out and saw an older man checking out at the next lane with.... light up earrings.  I immediately think old tranny mess.  She thinks oh, I love those earrings.
As she went to her car she realized earring guy was parked next to her, and being the social butterfly that she is, she just HAD to say something.   After a quick chit chat with this guy, she found out, they are magnetic earrings that he sells.  This little business pays for gas money so he and his wife can travel in their RV.
I know what you're thinking. Yes, he's married. No, he doesn't MAKE the earrings, he imports them from Hong Kong.  Also, he wears them to the grocery and doctor appointments, etc. as a form of advertising.  Turns out, he's a pretty clever guy.  He's also quite self confident if he's wearing light up earrings in public. He also has a card.

And earrings aren't the only thing he sells.  This card is hilarious!  Of course my Mom is obsessed.  She had to call me to tell me about this guy and of course tell me about HER new earrings.  Oh yes, she got some, and she's super excited about wearing them to the park next weekend.  Watch out! Here she comes.

And not only does she have those fancy martini light-ups; she has margarita ones too.  Those and a new fun friend!  Weekend complete.

Typical Travel

So I went out of town last week.  There's an airport one metro stop from me, but the plane tickets were $250 more there than the airport 45 minutes away.  So I chose the later, which meant waking up at 5 am and driving to the airport, parking, then taking a bus to the terminal.
Needless to say, I was a little tired when I got to the airport.  I parked my car, took the banana peel from the banana I had eaten earlier, extra trash, my suitcase and I was on my way.  I got down to where I had to wait for the bus and go to grab my parking ticket so I could write down where I parked and I couldn't find it.  I JUST had it in my hand when I was parking. Where could it have gone?
Since I wasn't running terribly late, and I didn't seen the bus, I went back up to my car to look for the parking ticket.  I looked in the car, in my purse again, under the car, but no ticket.  Then I looked toward the elevator and saw this.

 SHoooooootttttt... I totally threw the ticket away with the banana peel and other car trash.  So there I was, shoulder deep, rifling through the trash, looking for my ticket.  I touched the banana peel and something else kind-of wet before grabbing a handful of trash that included my ticket.  With ticket in hand, I went back down to the bus stop, without being able to wash my hands... gross.  I held that one hand out the entire way to the airport terminal until I was able to get to a bathroom.

Just a typical event when traveling with me.

I found the real Russell

Yes, it's true. I found Russell.  Who's Russell? If you haven't seen Up, you must see it now! 

This is Russell. 

I was shopping at the outlets last weekend, minding my own business, when I hear, "Question. Which is faster, a polar bear or a grizzly bear?"  WHHAATTT? Who just said that?  I turn to see who said it and there he was.  This adorable chunk-of-a-thigh 10 year old-ish boy.  Forgive me if I get his answer wrong, but it was something like, "Answer: Polar bears in the water, grizzly bears in the summer, or spring."  Oh and the woman he was with couldn't have cared less, but it was so cute how he was following her around with all these facts.   To be honest, I just hope my future kids enjoy reading at all.  If it's about polar bears, snakes, dogs; it doesn't matter, just as long as they read!!! 

I wish I could say this was the actual kid and I had gotten a picture, but I didn't really have a chance.  It was pretty damn close to this though. 

Just Faux Fun

Well, I guess this is going to be a thing now - Just Faux Fun Fridays - you can read past Faux Funs here and here.  Today I am traveling back to the TN for a weekend and to attend a baby shower for one of my very best friends.  In honor of that, let's talk about baby related gear. 


I got my friend a book called, Porn for New Moms. No, it's not actual porn.  It's more like this. 

So cute!  

Being child free, there is a lot I don't know about babies, pregnancy, and breastfeeding.  But OMG are there a lot of products that really make me scared for the day I am pregnant. Like this: 

This is a nipple cover, to "relieve sore and cracked nipples to help minimize pain during breastfeeding."  Oh my, does it really get this bad that you may need a cover?  

Then there's this. 

 Here's the info. No it is not a tool belt. Many women experience wider hips after pregnancy. SOLUTION The Shrinkx Hips belt works thanks to the hormone Relaxin, which loosens pelvic joints & ligaments for childbirth. Relaxin then stays in your system up to 8 weeks before joints and ligaments harden in place. Wearing the Shrinkx Hips belt during this time gives you the opportunity to permanently narrow your hips. Shrinkx Hips * Provides constant, even pressure to gently guide your hips back to their pre-pregnancy position * Must be worn in the first 8 weeks after delivery*

A. The fact that your hips can get bigger after pregnancy is depressing.

B. The thought of wearing something so constricting right after pushing a baby the size watermelon through something the size of a lemon sounds like the 7th circle of hell. I'll take the bigger hips.  

The amazing thing is, despite all the scary news about your body changing, and nipple chaffing, pop explosions, etc. I still can't wait to be a mom. 

Gym Tales

I think everyone has their own arsenal of stories regarding people they encounter at the gyms or place of physical fitness, if you will. Depending on the focus and location of your gym, you will come across different group sets of gym rats.  My gym has an unusually high percentage of very strong, very buff, gay black men.  I must admit, they are very nice to look at, but based on where I live, it's just very odd.  And I would usually expect to see such dedicated gym rats at a Gold's Gym, vs. where I go.  (I hope I haven't offended anyone by saying this.)
I used to go to this other gym, which shall remain nameless, and this place had characters.  And I don't mean stereo-typical workout fiends, these were just some straight-up weirdos.  Let me explain.

Exhibit A: The "shadow."  I am very solitary when I go workout.  I have my plan I know exactly what I am going to do, and I am habitual in the fact that I will usually set-up in the same area everyday.  So one day while I was doing my thing, I noticed a shadow, we'll call him Frank. He was a hispanic man, probably 50ish, short, like 5'3" and he was not dressed for the gym. At first he was following around this younger guy.  Any free weights this guy picked up, Frank would go bigger, and do what we was doing.  Except Frank wasn't strong enough so he would do about 2 reps, then hang around until the young guy moved on to something else.  I watched for a while, doing my own thing, listening to Britney Spears, because girl knows how to drop a beat to get you moving. Next thing I know, he's shadowing me.  I lunge, Frank lunges. I squat, Frank squats. I curl, Frank curls.   And he wasn't even trying to hide it. He was literally four feet behind me to the left and I was facing a mirror!  I was so tickled, I just started laughing and laughing.  I didn't confront him, but I did make eye contact with others to kind of acknowledge, 'Yeah, this guy is shadowing you.'

Exhibit B: The "Crotch hole."  Did I get your attention with that one?  So back to the gym, I was doing my mat workout one day, you know, crunches, push-ups, etc. when an older white man with quite a bit of extra weight occupied the next mat.  I was in the zone, again, doing my own thing. Then it happened. I started doing crunches to the left, and there I was, face to face with this man's crotch.  He was sitting on an exercise ball, spread eagle, rolling around like he's working out hips.  Except there was a huge hole in the crotch of his pants and all that's between me and his "cash and prizes" was a thin layer of faded white cotton.  I stopped mid-crunch, got up, and left.

There's more, but I feel like this has been a long post. I will leave you with this for a little motivation.

Someone Found the Interwebs

My mom has recently become quite tech-savvy.  Her car has bluetooth so she can chat hands-free, she's up and running on Facebook, as I mentioned in a previous post, and she now loves the camera setting in her phone.  Here are some pictures she's sent me recently.

Here she's bragging about how good her toes look after a pedicure.  I believe she refers to the as "happy feet!"

Staying on the topic of feet, she sent me this funny photo, saying apparently this lady thought she was a size 6, but is clearly not since her toes are hanging over.

Here she seems convinced she found Jerry Garcia's long lost daughter.  To be honest, I was just impressed she knew Jerry Garcia, but I suspect it's because we love Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia.

As tech savvy as she has become, she can still do silly things like leave her phone on the hood of the car, leave the house, and make a phone call while driving.  She lost that phone completely - found it crushed on the side of the road a few hours later.  But what I really love that even though we live so far away, she can keep me updated with what's going on in her life and share the funny things she sees.