What?

This is my new workout routine. Hope it works while pushing a stroller.

Isn't it funny

Isn't it funny that once you start paying attention to the things around you, you see the funniest, oddest, silliest things?  The past few days I've been seeing this.

I saw this lovely bumper sticker in the parking lot of my local Recreation Center.

Obviously I saw this while driving.

 

It says Trucking for Jesus.

I saw The Dude at my doctor's office where you check in. You just can't take a doctor seriously once you see this and I find that comforting. He's a real person who has a sense of humor just like you.

This is the speed limit in my neighborhood. And believe me, they take this seriously.

Yesterday I was driving over some speed bumps and there was a sign that they were Speed Tables.

And because I can't resist.  Here's Vivian stuck under her toy basket. She's the little spot of red.

Are you? Because we thought, but we weren't sure

Are you? Because we thought, but we weren't sure, but we're not just that's cleared up.  We just don't want offend anybody.

This is something a I think a lot of people go through during the holiday season. Do you just say Happy Holidays to everyone or do you get more specific on your faith and say Happy Chanukah, or Merry Christmas? I have to say, the south, Merry Christmas is the go-to phrase; which is CLEARLY apparent by the amount of people who have reindeer antlers coming out of their car windows and red noses on the front. Don't get me started on the ones that actually light up.
Back to the original headline.  We have moved in our new place and have met some wonderful neighbors.  As the holidays grew closer we came to a conundrum I said I thought they were Jewish, my mom and husband didn't  So I got the little girl a present, but put in a Santa bag, but before Chanukah just in case.  I have been visiting my parents all month so we have no decorations up, but the little girl did come back with a gift for Vivian that said Happy Chanukah.  Let's try to decipher this through decorations.  We have a red bow on our door - and that's it.  They have multicolored lights and a blow up snowman... this says non committal to me.
I am determined to find out one way or another.  I'll let you know

Just Faux Fun

It's just another Friday here in lovely, chilly Alexandria, VA.  Last night we were talking about the movie The Birdcage. Have you ever seen it?  In the dinner scene, the china is pictures of men having sex and the guest says, "what is one these plate? It looks like boys playing leapfrog."  It got me thinking about what you might be able to get away with when having guests.  Here's what I suggest.

Make pasta, buy a box of these:

Penis Pasta, courtesy of Fred Flare others call it weenie linguini. See if anyone notices.
Or these

Serve your child's birthday cake on these plates, see who gets offended and leaves first.

See how long it takes for anyone to notice your finger-stache. Be sure to drink with it showing. 

Whatever you decide, have fun with your holiday party!

Then she said...

So the house we bought is in a community with an HOA, pool, clubhouse, the works.  There are committees, board of directors, a welcome committee, etc... So they had an reception for all those who have moved  to Old Town Village in the past year.  We have met most of our neighbors and they seem to be a mix of retired and young residents, so we thought, let's go.  Maybe we'll meet others with kids.  Well, this was NOT the case.  We were the youngest in the room by at least 20 years.  But there were a lot of residents who were on committees so I was able to learn more about what they did. Everyone was super nice.
Then there was "Janet."  A women with married kids who has lived in the DC area for years. As we were talking she asked me about finding good child care. So I told her about the great experience I've had with sitter city. She replies by talking about how her children babysat in their neighborhood growing up and that's were they found their sitters when their children were younger. All norman conversation stuff... Then it got weird.

THEN SHE SAID, "Well one night we went out and the next morning (side of mouth talk) I was on the toilet, (end of side mouth) and my daughter came in.  She must have been 4 or 5 and she said, 'Mom, Stevie showed me his penis.' " Stevie being the babysitter. O.M.G. I literally met this woman 3 minutues ago.  Naturally the conversation and story weren't over and I was dying to hear the rest when out of nowhere a man comes up and introduces himself.  No joke, his name was Peter. I can't make this stuff up.

You can milk anything with nipples

"I have NipplesGreg, can you milk me?" - Robert DeNiro. If you don't know what that's from, go watch Meet the Parents. Then you'll laugh. What I mean by that is this: You make chili with anything.  I made a "whatever's in the pantry" chili today and it turned out great. Here's  what I put in it:

1 lb ground beef
1 onion
1 box of beef broth
1 can kidney beans
1 can Rotel
1 small can of green chilies
1 cup Barley
1 can tomato sauce
1/2 packet of taco seasoning

I just put it all together and it tastes fantastic.  And this one really makes the house smell good for hours.

And now, cute.

Voting

Yes, I voted. No he didn't win. And no my vote didn't count.  Am I being cynical? No. Here's what happened.
We recently moved to a new county.  I registered online for my new license and was thrilled when it came in the mail, along with a voter's registration.  I filled out the form and mailed it in.  While waiting for my registration I politely turned down every volunteer at the grocery and farmer's market asking me if I was registered.
Then THE day came and no registration!!  Egad (one of my favorite under used words)! What to do?!
Armed with my new drivers license and old voter registration card from Arlington; I went to the polling station. There was no line, lots of volunteers so I thought, I'm in!

• First person I check in with - no you're not in our system, please see the woman in the black cardigan.  
• Ms. Black Cardigan assisted by multicolored shirt types with 2 fingers and looks up my name. - No, you're not in our county system. And you say you live here?  You must see the woman with the glasses.
• Glasses uses her cell to call the headquarters - You need to talk to them and give them your social security number. Done. 
• Headquarters - Are you sure you registered?  Well ma'am you cannot vote here you'll have to go to your old place of registration. - I hang up on her. 
• Glasses calls Bob over and a decision is made. I can make a provisional vote. About 4 forms later, I seal my PAPER ballet in an envelope to be considered and it might counted next day.
• Upon my departure I realize the line has grown considerably, like 50 people considerably. And now 15 other people as waiting to talk to Glasses. I mumble sorry and slink out of the polling station. 

The worst part: I didn't even get a sticker!! I had to walk all the way home with no sticker. I love the stickers.

So the President was already elected. My vote didn't count. I'm terribly upset but will soldier on and vote in the next election, maybe there will be less hoops to jump through!!

Pumpkin Shortage

There might be, because I have been putting pumpkin in everything; Pumpkin Pancakes, Pumpkin Waffles, Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies, Pumpkin Brownies, Pumpkin Oatmeal, Pumpkin and Granola... Should I keep going?  We've also made 4 pumpkins so lots of seed roasting going on around here.  I haven't found my favorite seasoning for the seeds yet.

Here are our jack-o-lanters and my little turkey.

I'm no chef

I'm no chef, but I am responsible for making something edible if only a few times a week. (The other days husband can eat Stouffers.)  Most of the time it's some type of meat, and sauteed or steamed veggies, but I have tried to find a few crock pot recipes that are easy and only require a  few ingredients.  I tried these two this week and they were great. You can tell by the recipes that I totally didn't put myself out by making a dinner that was actually fresh and warm.

Italian Chicken - Note: 1. I only used one italian dressing pack.  2. Your house will smell a little funky with those pepper rings, but the chicken doesn't taste anything like the smell.
Beef Tips - Note this DOES smell and taste yummy.

Just Faux Fun

Just Faux Fun.  Just Dance. Maybe sing a little, or rap. Whatever floats your boat, be happy it's friday. 

What's up with that?

Featuring an sweat-suited, dancing Jason Sudeikis

A Dancing Zoe from Nurse Jackie

That dancing "Real World" guy from She's All That  (give it to me)

Top That

Nailed It

So on a whim, I decided to make a diaper cake for a friend.  What? You're going to try to be crafty, that's a shot in the dark.  Well, yes, I consider things like this, 'If I can do it, you can do it,' because my arts and crafts skills maxed out in 4th grade.  So I found a tutorial and was surprised that the directions were so short.  Here's what I followed:


Diaper Cake Supplies
:: Bottle of Wine/Champagne/Sparkling Grape Juice - This caught my eye, and yes, I used champagne.
:: Platter - I used a cardboard base
:: Rubber bands - I used leftover rubber bands from Whole Foods. Reduce reuse recycle people. 
:: Ribbons and Accents - My favorite section of Michaels is the ribbon section.  Am I the only one?
:: Baby toys

:: Large Pack of Size 1 Diapers - I used size 2 to make it more substantial.

DIY Diaper Cake Instructions

{Step 1} Place the bottle in the middle of the platter. Fan out the diapers and wrap around the bottle. Secure the row with a big rubber band.

{Step 2} Repeat for the second layer of the diaper cake and set on top of the bottom row. Three rows should be enough and will be smaller as you work your way to the top of the bottle.

{Step 3} Cover the base of the platter by gathering fabric or tulle around the diapercake. You can even add a receiving blanket as well.

{Step 4} Once the “cake” is assembled add ribbon to cover the rubber bands.  You can additional accents, toys or gifts to create a theme to make it unique for the newMom

Done and Done - thanks to my mom for making the bows look pretty. f it wasn't so for her, there would have just been a lot of knots. 

Nailed it. I just need to cover the base. Thats a little giraffe christmas ornament on the top. 

Vivian liked it. She wanted to eat it as she does everything these days. 

Steps - A serious post for Moms

Throughout your life, you take "steps". Your first steps, stepping in to young adulthood, celebrating college graduation, etc.  I've stepped in motherhood, which I now know was the more like a long jump, triple step, pole vault or flying leap up a flight of stairs.
The problem is ever since I got here, I'm taking steps toward the changing table, grocery store, park, and steps toward a tragic wardrobe. I'm also losing those accomplishments I would have made had I stayed in the workforce. This is all a very difficult transition that no one seems to tell you about. Yes, Vivian is taking steps (not literal) or making new accomplishments everyday, but I am in a rut.  The thing to remember is that you are an integral part of your baby being able to make all those accomplishments by supporting and nurturing your little one.  So to you moms out there, put some make up on today, even if you don't go anywhere, just to make yourself feel better. Maybe take a shower or paint your toes. But do something for yourself today.  Vivian and I will, yes, be taking our steps to the grocery store, but maybe I'm wearing mascara and I real bra this time.

Mom's Here

Mom's here, and don't they just quickly clean everything up and immediately make everything better? No? Just mine?  Well, I do deem myself incredibly lucky to have one of those moms.  Her interactions with the baby make my day-all time with her seem incredibly uncreative.  They are always getting into something, but it's a great way to learn and take notes, maybe all the baby needs is a spatula to play for 20 minutes.
If you don't know my Mom, she the basis of Just Faux Fun Fridays. Start here and read on Fridays. Like here and here!

Sometimes I feel like I do this to her, even though I live 10 hours away.

The Move

We are in our new house, not posting pictures yet because it is nowhere near being filled with furniture, accessories, etc.  But here's the deal on the move.

• We planned for the movers to take the furniture apart... but they didn't bring any power tools.  Josh spent an hour taking the master bed frame apart and back together while they tried to figure out the crib, using our tools.
• We planned for 4 hours.. it too 6 and a half.  Vivian was TIRED. 
• We had a freshly painted house... then the movers came and knocked the walls to hell and back.  Still haven't called me back about fixing that. Good thing I have a handy husband and leftover paint.  
• We planned on using the front door to bring items in... then our neighbor threw her back out and the fire department and ambulance came and we had to move the truck for an hour. 
• We ordered 2 sofas from Pottery Barn in July... but one didn't fit up the stairs, they had to push it up over the second story deck. 

This is what I call Heindrichs luck.  More to come as we get settled.

This

This is how uncoordinated I feel sometimes when I slide down a stair, slip getting out of the shower, or drop food while trying to get it into my mouth-- Only I'm not this adorable doing it.  30 years old and I still trip on nothing in the middle of a crowd.

Thank you to my friend for sending this to me.  Made me laugh on a bad day!

Kids

Oh kids!  You are so cute! You're so little and have tiny shoes!  You say the funniest things!  My friend came over with her two precious little ones last week.  It was my birthday.  Her little girl, who is 3, and obviously very observant said, "Uh-oh, you have a boo-boo on your face. You need a bandaid."

How do you explain pimples to children?  Because that's what it was and all of a sudden I felt like that 14 year old awkward teen with "clear" braces and bad hair.

I can't wait to hear the funny things that will come out of this one's mouth once she starts talking. 

Some people...

Some people are gullible, or trustful.  In high school, a friend was convinced by some of the guys that Stop signs with a white border are optional. Bless, her, she's grown up and is one of the best people I know.

See the issue with this?

Some people are talented.  One of my best friends can not only sing, dance and act, but she is incredibly clever, always making up songs, poems and writing her own shows. I wish I had an ounce of her talent in some capacity.
Some people will change the world.  I think these people are few and far between.  I know one of these people and consider myself so incredibly lucky. I can't wait to see where he is in 20 years and what change he will bring.
Some people are famous.  I've always thought there was an aura about famous people, but the older I get the more I realize they are just normal people.

Then there's the bitch that sat near me on the plane back from Nashville.  We were traveling with the baby, which in and of itself is stressful.  Will she sleep through the flight? Will she cry? How will I keep her busy?  Is this going to mess up her nap?  What if she poops?
Well, this lady took one look at Vivian and me and said, "Shit" as she took her seat.  I am telling you I've never been so close to giving her a bitch slap. (I'm not sure what a 'bitch slap' is, but my Mama Bear sure came close to baring her teeth. No pun intended.)

What can we do about these people?  Is a confrontation necessary?  Was she just having a bad day?  Are all people really capable of being inherently good?  Thoughts?

The reason for this post?  It's late, I can't sleep, and I can't stop thinking about that woman being so negative!!  FYI... our Vivian was an angel.  She slept over half the flight and didn't make a peep.

Just Faux Fun Friday

Josh, Vivian and I are enjoying Labor Day weekend in Nashville. Actually, Vivian and I have been here since last Friday. Tonight is a big night, Josh and I are going out to dinner and staying at a hotel downtown, CELEBRATING MY BIG 3-0! It will be our first  night away from Vivian.  We thought a dry run, being only 15 minutes away would be a good start.

Anyway, to celebrate the first Faux Fun in a while here is the BEST new Tumblr. 

http://dog-shaming.com/

It has pictures of dogs like this. 

and this:

For more laughs, go to the website and enjoy!!  Happy Labor Day weekend!

Vivian is kind of a big deal

Did you know my little Viv has a you tube channel?  I know everyone freaks out about privacy, but as long as her video view count stays under 10 for each video, I think we're ok.  Mimi and Poppy just want to be able to see their little lady any time they want. (When we're not on face time.) Anyway, I think it's a great way to capture those little funny moments and I think I've caught a few on her account.  She's at Vivharris.  And I'll know to go private if all of a sudden she has like 200 views, but who am I kidding, 3 people read this blog anyway.  Here's some cute to enjoy.

Oh you bought a house!

We did, we did!  It's 4 floors, and in a great location and perfect... until the day of the walk thru.  Then the flood came. It came from the master bath and went down to the kitchen, dining room, half bath and then down to the garage.

So what looked like in the sale photos:

Now looks like this:

Hey what happened to the vanity and toilet? Oh there they are.

And what looked like this:

Now looks like this:

And the master bath, where it all started used to look like this:

Now:

Nice toilet placement.  Multi-tasking at it's most efficient.

So that's how it looked the day we signed.  The good news, we get to pick all the new materials to make the house our own. The bad news, dealing with all of this. The more they pull up, the more they have to pull up.  All I can say is look out for the AFTER pictures.  When we're done with it, I will be a happy girl.