What?

This is my new workout routine. Hope it works while pushing a stroller.

Isn't it funny

Isn't it funny that once you start paying attention to the things around you, you see the funniest, oddest, silliest things?  The past few days I've been seeing this.

I saw this lovely bumper sticker in the parking lot of my local Recreation Center.

Obviously I saw this while driving.

 

It says Trucking for Jesus.

I saw The Dude at my doctor's office where you check in. You just can't take a doctor seriously once you see this and I find that comforting. He's a real person who has a sense of humor just like you.

This is the speed limit in my neighborhood. And believe me, they take this seriously.

Yesterday I was driving over some speed bumps and there was a sign that they were Speed Tables.

And because I can't resist.  Here's Vivian stuck under her toy basket. She's the little spot of red.

Are you? Because we thought, but we weren't sure

Are you? Because we thought, but we weren't sure, but we're not just that's cleared up.  We just don't want offend anybody.

This is something a I think a lot of people go through during the holiday season. Do you just say Happy Holidays to everyone or do you get more specific on your faith and say Happy Chanukah, or Merry Christmas? I have to say, the south, Merry Christmas is the go-to phrase; which is CLEARLY apparent by the amount of people who have reindeer antlers coming out of their car windows and red noses on the front. Don't get me started on the ones that actually light up.
Back to the original headline.  We have moved in our new place and have met some wonderful neighbors.  As the holidays grew closer we came to a conundrum I said I thought they were Jewish, my mom and husband didn't  So I got the little girl a present, but put in a Santa bag, but before Chanukah just in case.  I have been visiting my parents all month so we have no decorations up, but the little girl did come back with a gift for Vivian that said Happy Chanukah.  Let's try to decipher this through decorations.  We have a red bow on our door - and that's it.  They have multicolored lights and a blow up snowman... this says non committal to me.
I am determined to find out one way or another.  I'll let you know

Just Faux Fun

It's just another Friday here in lovely, chilly Alexandria, VA.  Last night we were talking about the movie The Birdcage. Have you ever seen it?  In the dinner scene, the china is pictures of men having sex and the guest says, "what is one these plate? It looks like boys playing leapfrog."  It got me thinking about what you might be able to get away with when having guests.  Here's what I suggest.

Make pasta, buy a box of these:

Penis Pasta, courtesy of Fred Flare others call it weenie linguini. See if anyone notices.
Or these

Serve your child's birthday cake on these plates, see who gets offended and leaves first.

See how long it takes for anyone to notice your finger-stache. Be sure to drink with it showing. 

Whatever you decide, have fun with your holiday party!

Then she said...

So the house we bought is in a community with an HOA, pool, clubhouse, the works.  There are committees, board of directors, a welcome committee, etc... So they had an reception for all those who have moved  to Old Town Village in the past year.  We have met most of our neighbors and they seem to be a mix of retired and young residents, so we thought, let's go.  Maybe we'll meet others with kids.  Well, this was NOT the case.  We were the youngest in the room by at least 20 years.  But there were a lot of residents who were on committees so I was able to learn more about what they did. Everyone was super nice.
Then there was "Janet."  A women with married kids who has lived in the DC area for years. As we were talking she asked me about finding good child care. So I told her about the great experience I've had with sitter city. She replies by talking about how her children babysat in their neighborhood growing up and that's were they found their sitters when their children were younger. All norman conversation stuff... Then it got weird.

THEN SHE SAID, "Well one night we went out and the next morning (side of mouth talk) I was on the toilet, (end of side mouth) and my daughter came in.  She must have been 4 or 5 and she said, 'Mom, Stevie showed me his penis.' " Stevie being the babysitter. O.M.G. I literally met this woman 3 minutues ago.  Naturally the conversation and story weren't over and I was dying to hear the rest when out of nowhere a man comes up and introduces himself.  No joke, his name was Peter. I can't make this stuff up.

You can milk anything with nipples

"I have NipplesGreg, can you milk me?" - Robert DeNiro. If you don't know what that's from, go watch Meet the Parents. Then you'll laugh. What I mean by that is this: You make chili with anything.  I made a "whatever's in the pantry" chili today and it turned out great. Here's  what I put in it:

1 lb ground beef
1 onion
1 box of beef broth
1 can kidney beans
1 can Rotel
1 small can of green chilies
1 cup Barley
1 can tomato sauce
1/2 packet of taco seasoning

I just put it all together and it tastes fantastic.  And this one really makes the house smell good for hours.

And now, cute.

Voting

Yes, I voted. No he didn't win. And no my vote didn't count.  Am I being cynical? No. Here's what happened.
We recently moved to a new county.  I registered online for my new license and was thrilled when it came in the mail, along with a voter's registration.  I filled out the form and mailed it in.  While waiting for my registration I politely turned down every volunteer at the grocery and farmer's market asking me if I was registered.
Then THE day came and no registration!!  Egad (one of my favorite under used words)! What to do?!
Armed with my new drivers license and old voter registration card from Arlington; I went to the polling station. There was no line, lots of volunteers so I thought, I'm in!

• First person I check in with - no you're not in our system, please see the woman in the black cardigan.  
• Ms. Black Cardigan assisted by multicolored shirt types with 2 fingers and looks up my name. - No, you're not in our county system. And you say you live here?  You must see the woman with the glasses.
• Glasses uses her cell to call the headquarters - You need to talk to them and give them your social security number. Done. 
• Headquarters - Are you sure you registered?  Well ma'am you cannot vote here you'll have to go to your old place of registration. - I hang up on her. 
• Glasses calls Bob over and a decision is made. I can make a provisional vote. About 4 forms later, I seal my PAPER ballet in an envelope to be considered and it might counted next day.
• Upon my departure I realize the line has grown considerably, like 50 people considerably. And now 15 other people as waiting to talk to Glasses. I mumble sorry and slink out of the polling station. 

The worst part: I didn't even get a sticker!! I had to walk all the way home with no sticker. I love the stickers.

So the President was already elected. My vote didn't count. I'm terribly upset but will soldier on and vote in the next election, maybe there will be less hoops to jump through!!